Halloween Costumes That Shouldn’t Exist: 2022 Edition


Halloween weekend is coming. You’ve made zero headway on your costume. You know you’ll regret procrastinating when you’re the only one at the party who didn’t dress up.

Halloween might be easy for the rich and famous, but for us regular folk, the holiday is a blur of last-minute Amazon Prime orders (sorry) and trips to Party City, only to wish you A: didn’t leave things to the last minute, and B: go to that damn party in the first place.

To help you get through Spooky Season, we’re not telling you what to dress up as. Instead, we’ve compiled a list of costumes we absolutely do not want to see this year, including a a certain bespectacled serial killer, the slap heard ’round the world, and anything and everything Kanye West-related.

Sexy Queen Elizabeth II

“Provocateurs,” please: it’s neither edgy nor clever to trivialize the late Queen’s legacy of colonialist violence.

Jeffrey Dahmer

He was a serial killer and a sex offender who murdered 17 people, including children.


White Lives Matter shirts are indeed terrifying, but a Halloween costume they do not make.

Famous pedophiles

This includes Elvis, Prince Andrew, and Jeffrey Epstein.

Johnny Depp and Amber Heard

As The Onion put it: “We are as a people simply too impatient, stupid, and psychologically stunted to be discussing this trial at all.” The last weekend of October ≠ a free pass to bring it back up.

The Slap

Let’s avoid turning the Halloween function into an open forum for more Slap Discourse, shall we?


No, you can’t dress up as COVID-19 either.

Marilyn Monroe

This woman’s legacy has been through enough: the ransacking of her wardrobe by Kim Kardashian, a joke of a biopic, and far too many Twitter threads. The last thing her memory needs is an Instagram story of you in a white dress, blonde wig, and a fake beauty mark.

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